These last two weeks, as I've hit the 11-month post transplant mark, I'm feeling about as normal as I've felt in nearly a year. Part of this is due to a cautious return to limited social activity; part is due to the absence of any troubling symptoms. And part of it, I believe, is due to the power of belief.
Let's back it up a bit.
In the days leading into my last appointment, I was anxious about my lungs. The few times that I had run outside, on unusually mild days (in the 40s) in November or December, I was having some post-run issues. Nothing that would rush me to a doctor's office, but enough to be noticeable. I had my theories. So did Dr. Google. But at my last appointment a couple weeks ago, my lung performance tests were normal - slightly lower than they were pre-transplant, but within normal limits. And on seeing those results, and examining me, my doctor (not Dr. Google) had little concern.
So I did a little experiment. Last weekend was mild again and so I did a very short run/walk outside; this weekend I did a similarly short run on my treadmill. And the results: a little post-run cough/discomfort last week, nothing this week. With that, my self-diagnosis returned to cold-air intake -- which was what I initially thought it was until my imagination and the Internet got the best of me.
While I do think that the cold air and long absence from running may be part of the issue, I also think there's something to the fact that I had permission to believe that there was nothing wrong. There's a lot of power in that -- in believing you are okay, that you should be okay, and that you have permission to be okay. Believing isn't going to shrink 16 centimeters of tumors in your abdomen, but I do believe that it has a role, particularly in recovery.
There have been other contributing factors to my relative normalcy. Almost all the food restrictions that I was following have been lifted! Deli meats, soft cheeses, honey -- pretty much everything but perhaps sushi or raw oysters, which weren't going to show up on my shopping list anytime soon anyway -- all good, now. We celebrated with a fancy blue cheese from a small cheese shop here in town, and more than one delicious sandwich these past couple weeks.
Coinciding with open season on missed foods is the full return of my taste buds. I noted in the last couple of posts that food was tasting close to normal, but in some cases, still not 100%. We seemed to have traveled that last stretch of road to normal and everything's tasting great. Particularly the blue cheese.
That's good, because I was also cleared to eat at restaurants... indoors. There's still enough respiratory junk going around that I'm going to give it a couple more weeks before diving too deep into the dining scene, but it feels good to know it's possible. My next appointment is in mid-March as I approach the one-year mark. That means scans, blood work and a whole bunch of immunizations. I'm sure the scans will provoke some anxiety as they approach, but I'm going to give myself the power to believe they will be all clear.
