Friday, May 17, 2013

10 More Things I've Learned From Cancer

A couple months back, I posted this list about what I've learned from cancer. It's now been more than three months since my chemo ended; more than two years since I began the trip down biopsy road which would end with my follicular lymphoma diagnosis. 

Along the way I've gone from anxiety and awkwardness (about disclosing my diagnosis) to understanding and openness, passing through a variety of states -- denial, ignorance --on my way there.

One constant has been learning. So before my next three-month check up in June, time for another list of what I've learned from cancer.


1.  Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be a paradox among cancer survivors: we celebrate our successes quietly and we celebrate other survivors' successes loudly. Maybe it's that I don't want to jinx my own success, but the further removed I am from the inner circle of diagnosis, the more comfortable I become using words like "cancer free" and "congratulations.'

2. Every season in New England is the best season. I thought that before my diagnosis and I feel it more strongly now. It's not that I'm enjoying each season as if it's my last -- far from it. It's almost as if I'm enjoying each as if it's my first.

3. Anger is the most useless of all emotions, but passion and anger often get confused. Anger comes from darkness; passion comes from light.

4. Here's another cancer paradox: every cancer is different yet many cancers share similarities. No two people will present exactly the same, but on the biological level, understanding the similiarities of cancers -- not just of one particular cancer, but of cancers even of different origin, is one of the keys to unlocking treatments and cures.

5. There are few things better than watching a kid who has struggled at something, and really tried to get it, finally get it. Doesn't matter if that something is hitting a baseball or understanding quadratic equations. It's great when it clicks.  (Okay, in truth, I didn't need cancer to learn that one.)

6. It's amazing how much research is going on into new drugs, new approaches to treating lymphoma, and in particular NHLs like follicular lymphoma. But every time I read about the "promise" of this or that approach, I want to scream: "Stop promising. Start delivering." It can be maddening how long it takes for drugs to get to market. Sometimes I feel like it's a race between drug discovery and indolent lymphoma growth.

7. Knowing you have cancer every day is different than thinking about your cancer every day.

8. Cancer sucks. No doubt about it. But smiling helps. So does laughing. It's hard to be angry, nervous, anxious or any other negative emotion if you're laughing. It's as if your mind is occupied with the laughing and it crowds out the other emotions. 

9. There's a lot of talk about defensive medicine and over testing, and the burdens it puts on the health care system. But if my primary care physician didn't continually chase my initial complaint about a swollen lymph node that wouldn't go away, my lymphoma would have grown and grown until... who knows. 

10. Don't worry about seizing the day, just seize the moment. That's good enough. The next scan, the next blood test, the next appointment is months away. It's tempting to want to rush to turn the pages in a calendar to mark the weeks, months or years in which we are in remission, cancer free, surviving. But it's better to live the days than count them.

--michael

13 comments:

  1. Awesome list< Thanks Michael!

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  2. It has been a month since my last chemo treatment and I embrace each moment. I feel like I have been given a clean slate. It is sttange since my diagnosis of breaat cancer last fall the fear I used to have about trying new things and failing ia non-exsistant it haa given me a new perapective. I have won this battle and that was a real fear. Thank you for sharing it helps to see others and hear from others.
    Continues health.
    :)

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    1. Renee - that's great to hear. Good health to you as well!

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  3. I am a survivor of two and a half years. You have put into words what I have been feeling. Thank you!

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  4. I am a 23 year survivor of metastatic thyroid cancer and in the beginning every day was built around the cancer and was that a new lump? Had it spread to lymph nodes that they missed? What if it comes back and no one catches it - what if it comes back and they catch it and can't fix it etc etc. I think when I got through the 1 year checkup it got easier and just today I had a presurgery visit (not cancer!) and when they asked about past surgeries I had to figure out how long ago it was that I had the cancer surgery. That has never happened before and it felt wonderful. And believe me it is not that I still think about it all the time but I have always known practically to the minute when I had it and I jsut drew a blank when they asked today. Wonderful feeling!

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    1. That's a great story! I hope that someday June 30th will become less etched in my memory, too.

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  5. I have one of your columns on my bulletin board and this one may join it. It speaks to so much of what I feel as a cancer warrior... thank you

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  7. I was diag with 2 cells one thyroid cancer, the other lymphoma, I had my surgery for removal of my thyroid and count my blessings everyday for being so pro-active in my treatment, I continue to see my oncologist every 3 mos for my lymphoma, several pet-scans all the blood test my lymphoma has not grown, I will continue to count my blessings and stay pro-active and live, laugh, love and be happy, all this happened in the last 10 mos. God is good and yes CANCER SUCKS!!!

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  8. I love this list! I'm a 6-year ovarian cancer survivor and two things on your list particularly resonated with me. The first is the reference to celebrating our own survivorships quietly but our fellow survivors' loudly, and the second is the one about anger coming from darkness and passion coming from light. I couldn't have said either of those things any better than you did! Great article!

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  9. Michael, I have been following your posts for a while now. I'm not sure how I found you but I really enjoy your writing. I was diagnosed with indolent Mantle Cell Lymphoma in July 2008. I had easy chemo which put me into remission and Rituxan alone took care of my relapse in 2011. My cancer is not gone but it is being managed with maintenance Rituxan every other month. I am a woman living with cancer and it definitely gets easier as time goes by unless bad things happen. The fear and anger are gone. I laugh and smile often. I recently decided to learn the guitar so I can make music and sing. I am 63, work out at the gym on a regular basis and feel great.

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