I Can Do This

We bought a couch yesterday. 

That's about as exciting as a 2010 Facebook post, but it's what passes for excitement these days. In all seriousness, the search for a sofa was newsworthy for a number of reasons. For one, our current couch is well past its prime and is a bit of a torture chamber for your back on a good day. More importantly, shopping is not something I tolerate well on a good day; so the fact that I would willingly spend two hours in a furniture store (masked, of course) less than two weeks post infusion is a lot more than just a good sign. It followed a series of milestones whose sum total was an affirmation that I can do this. 

There were some bumps in the road, for sure, as I managed through side effects. The mile nausea, general fatigue, and an annoying dulled sense of taste were at their peak in days 5-9 after infusion; but the biggest challenge for me was not knowing how and when I'd rebound. 

But on Day 10, I worked a full day of work; I took my dog on an afternoon walk; and for the first time in more than a month, I had no back pain without help from medications. And since Day 10, I've only felt better each day. My energy is good and food tastes like food again..

I know there will be ups and downs as I go through the R-CHOP treatment, but these were major milestones for me on my road back. And as great as it is to feel better, for me what's just as important is knowing about what to expect. In the weeks leading up to the diagnosis and the start of the treatment plan, the uncertainty was as debilitating as the physical pain. I dreaded evenings, because what lie ahead was a sleepless and usually painful night, with what felt like no promise of relief. Even as I entered the hospital and we began to put together a plan, every day felt like the same - manage the pain, do some tests, kill a whole lot of time. 

Without perceivable progress, the monotony of recovery is brutal. You can find yourself searching for a reason to get up the next morning. And when I reached my darkest moments, what got me through (beyond the moral support of my family) was finding one thing to look forward to the next day -- some times that was as a simple as phone call with a friend, or even a work meeting (you know things are tough when you're looking forward to a Zoom meeting.) Having that one thing on my mental calendar gave me something to build on. 

Now, as I head into week three, I've got plenty of things to look forward to, including a full week of work, a dinner out, maybe even a short run. And, of course, a brand new, much more comfortable couch.

Enjoying couch shopping.
Yes, the pillows come with it.