Thursday, July 7, 2011

Day Eight

There were a lot of things banging around my brain these last two days. It seems like an eternity since I met with Dr. LaCasce but it was only two days ago. Tuesday.

We talked for an hour but I have no game plan yet -- just a lot of talk about what follicular lymphoma is and how it is treated.

I've slowly been leaking word out to different people -- it's exhausting. The telling of it. Exhausting, and a bit numbing. The more I talk about it, the more I write about it, the more detached I seem to get from the diagnosis. I'm not sure if that's good or not. It just is.

Monday we go back for scans, blood work and hopefully a discussion that ends with a treatment plan.  Or a non-treatment plan. Follicular lymphoma tends to be slow growing and thus a plan is often to watch and wait. Except where it's not slow growing. At this point, I'm not sure what it is. Or where it is. Forget why it is.
I try to focus on the likely possibility that I'll be watching and waiting for years -- hopefully many years, and then be able to treat -- if not cure it. But who knows what might develop in the years that I watch and wait.

Still it's hard to be watching and waiting to become sick.

There is the chance that it's very local and thus can be radiated away but I don't want to hang too much hope on that.

And there's also the chance that it's aggressive enough that it needs to be treated chemically now, but I don't want to hang too much anxiety on that, either. We'll know when we know on Monday. Until then, I'll be playing golf, watching baseball, and enjoying the weekend.