There were a lot of things banging around my brain these last two days. It seems like an eternity since I met with Dr. LaCasce but it was only two days ago. Tuesday.
We talked for an hour but I have no game plan yet -- just a lot of talk about what follicular lymphoma is and how it is treated.
I've slowly been leaking word out to different people -- it's exhausting. The telling of it. Exhausting, and a bit numbing. The more I talk about it, the more I write about it, the more detached I seem to get from the diagnosis. I'm not sure if that's good or not. It just is.
Monday we go back for scans, blood work and hopefully a discussion that ends with a treatment plan. Or a non-treatment plan. Follicular lymphoma tends to be slow growing and thus a plan is often to watch and wait. Except where it's not slow growing. At this point, I'm not sure what it is. Or where it is. Forget why it is.
I try to focus on the likely possibility that I'll be watching and waiting for years -- hopefully many years, and then be able to treat -- if not cure it. But who knows what might develop in the years that I watch and wait.
Still it's hard to be watching and waiting to become sick.
Still it's hard to be watching and waiting to become sick.
There is the chance that it's very local and thus can be radiated away but I don't want to hang too much hope on that.
And there's also the chance that it's aggressive enough that it needs to be treated chemically now, but I don't want to hang too much anxiety on that, either. We'll know when we know on Monday. Until then, I'll be playing golf, watching baseball, and enjoying the weekend.
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