Friday, July 1, 2011

Day Two

I'm struck with the contradiction of blogging about a cancer diagnosis. On the one hand, I want to focus on living each day and not thinking about my diagnosis, and yet writing about makes me think about it.

On the other hand, whether I blog or not, I can't not think about it, so why not do what I do -- write. And put it down on paper. And get it out of my head.

I've let my family know the diagnosis and they've been incredibly good. What else would I expect? The boys don't know yet and until I know what I'm in for, I don't plan to tell them.

Tuesday I see an oncologist and it will be good to be dealing with people who are used to seeing this -- every single day. My ENT? Maybe she's seen a handful of cancer diagnoses in her career. I think the thing that made it tougher was that she seemed more sad than I think she needed to be. I just need an oncologist to say, "Yep, we know what it is. We know how to treat it. Here's a plan."

The best thing about today -- besides the fact that it's one day out from dx -- is that it was a typical busy day. Work was very busy and it's not that I didn't think about it -- I drifted into thoughts of my diagnosis during a boring part of a meeting; I watched all the people walking around Copley and thought "How many of them have a cancer diagnosis? Am I the only person out of the hundreds I see who has to deal with this?" I made appointments to see my oncologist; I talked to a friend who knows; I talked to my Dad. But in between all those things, I just did what I do -- I worked, I played scrabble on my phone, I went to the end of Matthew's baseball practice. I just lived the day.

Looking forward to a four-day weekend with hopefully a few answers on the other side of it.