Sunday, July 3, 2011

Day Four

Yesterday was a great day because yesterday was a regular day. Did errands; went swimming with the kids and then dinner out with our good friends. For the most part, the issue of cancer was in the background.
Today's been a bit harder, maybe because I had a little  down time and my mind's been wandering, making it harder to stay in the present. I start thinking about whether this will interfere with my softball season; my summer vacation; my life. And that's been frustrating, disappointing, even annoying. But the harder part is that I realized I've kind of been thinking of Tuesday (when I see my oncologist for the first time) as the end of life as I know it. It's as if until I see her, I can almost pretend that I don't really have lymphoma -- yet I know that as of Tuesday, I will have it. Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but then, rational thinking isn't always a given.

Thankfully, David and family (sans Jess) came to visit and it was great to see them all and, of course to play some baseball with the boys.