What I'm left with are what I imagine are all the uneasy and uncomfortable aspects of space flight -- motion sickness, dizziness, and a vague sense of being untethered from earth. On chemo Thursday and Friday, the steroids and anti-nausea meds carry me through the launch of the cycle, but by Saturday evening as they fade away, I float off into my own zero-gravity world. I've written before about the fog, but it's the disconnectedness that I've noticed most this last month. On Sunday and Monday, I hover about, unattached to any schedule -- no work, no school pick up or drop off, no bedtime, no wake-up time, no chores around the house, no responsibilities. I just sort of exist - as the rest of the world, grounded in their daily routine marches on.
We are creatures of habit - and, in particular, I'm a creature of activity. When I'm lacking both, it's downright disturbing. And along with the fatigue and fog of post-chemo, it's this mental uneasiness that I always look forward to shedding.
Tuesday marks the beginning of my gradual reentry. My mind focuses and and I return to work, but from the virtual office of my dining room table. That helps me re acclimate to a degree, but I don't start feeling the full pull of the world until Wednesday. At times, it's a bit turbulent, the reentry. But as I return to the gravitational forces of a busy work schedule, a regular commute, a dinner and post-dinner routine complete with dishes and bedtimes, I find my ground -- the terra firma that is my routine. Eventually, I let any notions of disconnectedness drift harmlessly and silently away.
Until the launch of the next cycle.
--Michael
Halfway there right? It's all downhill from here.
ReplyDeleteYes, indeed. Halfway there
ReplyDeleteLiked the metaphor. Works well.
ReplyDeleteIs President Obama waited outside your door to congratulate you each time you make it through re-entry? I expect not. Unlike Shepherd, you have to go back to "normal" life. Know, however, that you are still special to friends and colleagues -- and we're always there for you.
ReplyDelete